Authors, Books, and Chocolate: The True ABC's of Life

 Loss is More than Losing...

A very dear, beloved Friend of mine is dying from pancreatic cancer. This is one of the more deadly forms of cancer because it can't be detected usually until it has spread and taken over so much of the organ and body it's almost impossible to stop.

Patrick Swayze, of Dirty Dancing fame, fought this disease like a champion and still succumbed within two years.

So I've been spending all the time we can with my Friend. He's more than a friend, as some of you may have guessed. He's my heart, and soul, and one of the absolutely genuinely 'good guys' who still believes in opening doors for a lady, in saying 'Thank you' to everyone, and in being nice until it's time to not be nice.

I'm not handling this well. Not at all.

He's had four surgeries in a month, and doctors want to start Him on chemo in a couple of weeks. He's too weak right now, because of the surgeries and just trying to survive. He's in incredible pain. He's lost 39 pounds in two weeks. He doesn't look anything like himself.

I'm losing Him a piece at a time, and it's breaking me.

And yes, I'm selfish for thinking of 'my' pain and 'my' loss when He's losing his life. Death is the most cruel of all things in the universe, not because it takes someone away from you, but because it leaves you behind. That's the cruelest part. Being left behind.

And I don't want to be. I don't want to be on an earth without Him. I don't want to wake up and know He's not looking at the same sun, or sky, or moon, or stars I am. I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be here. I want to go, too. I want to be where He is. I want to take His cancer. I want it to take me and leave Him so He can finish all the projects and things He has started, all the things He still wants to do. One day, He won't be here any longer.

That day is coming. Too soon. Too fast. So I'm spending all the time we can, to make those precious memories we can, so I will one day have a reason to want to be on this earth, in this place, without Him.

Loss is so, so much more than losing.